The Empathy Myth: Rethinking Autism and Emotional Sensitivity (Part 1)
Why some of the most sensitive people you know might be on the spectrum
Autism and Empathy: Still Misunderstood
If you’ve spent any time reading about autism, you’ve probably seen this one: “People with autism lack empathy.” It’s one of the most persistent and damaging autism myths around.
In truth, many autistic individuals, especially women and late-diagnosed adults, don’t lack empathy at all. Some feel too much. They’re overwhelmed by the emotions of others. They carry the mood of a room in their chest. They’ve often been told since childhood that they’re “too sensitive” or “too intense.” These aren’t empathy-deficient robots. These are some of the most emotionally attuned people you’ll ever meet.
Two Kinds of Empathy
Let’s clear something up. There’s more than one kind of empathy:
Cognitive empathy is the ability to figure out what someone else might be thinking or feeling. It’s like reading social code.
Affective empathy is when you feel what someone else is feeling, emotional resonance, like crying at a sad film or wincing when someone gets hurt.
Many autistic people, especially those who internalise or mask, struggle with cognitive empathy, not because they don’t care, but because social decoding can be confusing, effortful, or inconsistent. That doesn’t mean they’re unkind. Often, it’s the opposite.
Affective empathy, on the other hand, can be off the charts. For some, it’s unbearable. They feel everything, and they often withdraw, not to be cold, but to survive and recharge.
Misread Signals, Missed Diagnoses
If a child bursts into tears at someone else’s sadness, we say they’re “empathic”. If an autistic child shuts down or walks away from a crying peer, we often assume they don’t care. Both responses can stem from the same place: emotional overload.
We’re not dealing with a lack of empathy. We’re dealing with the inability to process or express it in ways that neurotypical people expect.
This is how a lot of autistic individuals, especially sensitive boys, introspective girls, and what some might call “Star Children”, fall through the diagnostic net. Their empathy is obvious. Sometimes raw. Sometimes poetic. And professionals don’t always connect that with autism. This is why screening tools such as the Empathy Quotient (EQ) should only ever form part of the diagnosis used by a trained clinician with care as part of a much wider, holistic picture. A high EQ score does not necessarily mean that someone isn’t autistic.
Why It Matters
Maybe you’re raising a child who seems too sensitive for this world.
Maybe you’re in a relationship with someone who reacts intensely, withdraws without warning, or seems to carry emotions in a way that doesn’t always make sense.
Maybe you’re that person, wondering why everything feels just that little bit harder than it should.
When someone is overwhelmed by other people’s emotions or struggles to explain their own, it’s easy to misinterpret them. You might see:
Mood swings or shutdowns that feel out of proportion
“Overreactions” to stories, films, or social dynamics
Difficulty letting go of things others shrug off
A deep sense of injustice or a need for fairness that borders on obsession
These aren’t signs of being broken. They’re often signs of a different neurotype, one that might have gone undiagnosed for years. Recognising this opens a door. It helps explain the unexplained, bring compassion to confusion, and, in many cases, start a path toward support that’s long overdue.
If you think this sounds familiar?
At NeuroFX, we specialise in understanding the parts of you or your child that might have been misunderstood or misdiagnosed for years. We offer thorough, evidence-based assessments for ADHD and autism (ASD) in both adults and children, with a clear, supportive process from screening to diagnosis and treatment where needed.
Whether you’re exploring this for yourself, your child, or someone close to you, it starts with a conversation.
You can begin with our free online screening tools, or if you already feel ready, you’re welcome to book a full assessment directly.
We’re here when you’re ready.
